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Phoenix AZ Family Law Blog

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Common Causes of Divorce

What are the most common reasons for divorce?

No two relationships or marriages are precisely the same so it is difficult to untangle the threads that bind two people together, let alone figure out what makes those threads unravel. Nonetheless, there are certain recurrent themes in divorce that can be statistically validated. According to these, the following are some of the most common reasons for marriage dissolution. Underlying all of them is the inability to communicate. In marriages where couples can have honest, meaningful dialogues, many of these issues can be resolved. If you are considering divorce is it essential that you contact a competent and empathetic family law attorney to help you understand your options and guide you through the process.

1.  Marrying for the Wrong Reasons

More people than one might expect marry because the time seems right for them to "settle down," because they are seeking financial security, because they want to have children before they are too old, or because they feel they should meet the expectations of family or friends. Others tie the knot because they have already committed and made wedding plans and backing out seems impossible.

2.  Seeking Identity as Part of a Couple

Individuals who do not feel "whole" are particularly vulnerable to marrying in order to establish an identity, but this rarely works as a basis for a viable marriage. In such couplings, one partner's personality is typically subsumed by the other, and neither person feels the satisfaction of being an equal member of a working team.

3. Letting Parenting Substitute for Partnering

Children obviously require a great deal of attention, but it is important for couples to maintain their closeness with one another outside of their parental roles. Otherwise there is a very real danger that once the children are grown the couple finds that they no longer have anything in common.

4. Not Having Shared Values, Visions and Standards of Behavior

Even in recent times when so many couples cohabit before marrying, there is often a rude awakening after the marriage. In some cases, individuals who were independent and accepting of differences in behavior when they were still single, expect their partners to fall into more traditional roles once they marry. The questions of who cooks, cleans, pays certain expenses, buys gifts, spends more time out with single friends, and makes household or financial decisions can loom large.

5. Losing Intimacy

The balance between romance and sex is a delicate one and can become upset when everyday life intervenes. Busyness, fatigue, financial concerns or illness can tip the scale toward frustration and away from closeness. If open communication doesn't exist, it is all too easy for a harsh word or a sexual rejection to start a period of mild estrangement that, unless promptly addressed, can grow exponentially. Loss of intimacy in a marriage typically leads to arguments and often results in infidelity.

7. Finances

Being low on money undoubtedly creates friction in a marriage, but what usually destroys the marriage is incompatible responses to the situation. If one partner continues to spend frivolously and run up debts when money is tight, or the other refuses to refinance the home even when the family is in dire straits, the marriage may rip at the seams. Often when one spouse is unemployed for a long period of time, the tension becomes unbearable.

8. Physical Distance

We are all well aware of the strain that being physically apart puts on a marriage. Whether one partner travels for work or is relocated due to family illness or military deployment, being apart is stressful. This is because we are all physical beings and need touch as well as words to feel loved. Unfortunately, even couples who live in the same dwelling can fall into a pattern where easy kisses and comfortable hugs fall by the wayside. Once gentle touches become uncommon, it is often hard to bring back the warmth.

If you are contemplating divorce for any reason, Mitchell Cohen is an attorney with the skill and compassion to shepherd you through a troubling, possibly terrifying, situation. He has been helping families since 1982 and can be reached at 602-714-8898 for a free consultation.


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